Password: tween

Transcript:

In an attempt to make things simpler when it comes to friendship and independence. Remember our goal is to raise autonomous children, young adults, autonomous means they can do for themselves. And they also do for others. They are, they're working within a group. Independence means not meeting other people. And that just simply isn't how humans work.

So if we are growing autonomous kiddos and we look at these roots, these routes of attachment again are from the earliest years of life, right? Sense of sameness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. And, and it doesn't stop when your kids are tweens and teens. So we're down here in being deeply known, if all of these have gone well, right? And so at the crux of it, in order to grow an autonomous human and support and autonomous human, the deepest need of every human is to feel unconditionally loved. Right? And that, yeah, you can be the same insignificant belong and do lots of hugging and tell each other, you love each other and actually love each other. But our work is going for this deepest root cause. When this root runs, the deepest, the tree can flourish the largest.

So, you know, every tree canopy, you see, these leaves and branches only go as far out as the roots go. So we want these roots to go far out so that the tree can fully be its most trainers and for your children, we want them to be fully right there. Most selves, we are not trying to raise happy, successful, whatever, if those are byproducts lovely. But our actual work is to raise children to their greatest potential, right? So genetically they are who they are. We can't mess with that.

So we are in charge of the environment. So when you are fostering autonomy, you are doing that work. When you feed all of these roots and remember their friendships, their first friendship was with you. I don't even know if you could call it a friendship, but now you will see in the tween and teen years that they want to be like their friends. They want to be significant to their friends. My God, do they want to belong to their friends? Right? The loyalty fights. They want to be around their friends, right. And have all that sense experience. And they want to love them and be loved by them. But being deeply known by your friends as a tween and early teen is not the case. Usually this is still the domain of the caregiver. This is still the domain that you have your children and nobody else really sometimes and sometimes another adult. So in these shallow roots are all these friendships, but you're down here, parents, caregivers. Okay. I just want you to always remind yourself of that. And if you need to print out the slider, you know, just remember that you are tending this deepest root and it helps your child to grow strong.